What To Do When You Don’t
Like Your Child’s Teacher

From an article by Rosemarie Brundege,
Trader Kids, a Magazine for Parents & Children, September,1999

It’s bound to happen. Sometime during your child’s educational journey, you’ll come into contact with a teacher you’re less than passionate about. While your initial impulse may be to yank your kid from the classroom immediately, there are less drastic steps that can greatly improve such a situation.

In school our children not only learn how to read and write, but how to adapt to society. We’re not always going to be at their side to protect them and make sure that everyone treats them kindly. A fact of life is that we are not going to like everyone that we meet. But sometimes, those individuals play a major part in our children’s lives.

Short of trying to switch teachers (an arduous process at best) there are ways to improve the parent/teacher relationship, by considerately working toward mutual accommodation.

Children benefit from many different teaching styles. The exposure can actually help prepare them for adulthood where they may encounter bosses or colleagues that have similar communication skills. Learning to deal with adversity is something we all go through.

But even teachers with the best reputations are not always right for every student. We as parents have a choice when dealt this dilemma. We can attempt to change the teacher, the school, or the policy, or we can try to focus on the positive and create a learning experience

To get the school year off to a good start, make an effort to speak to your child's teacher as soon as possible. You can write a note or stop by the classroom to introduce yourself. Don't wait for parent-teacher conferences. By establishing a relationship with a teacher early on, it can be easier later to talk about any concerns you may have if problems arise.

It’s crucial to avoid speaking negatively about a teacher in front of your child. This teaches disrespect. It gives children the idea that if they misbehave or do poorly, they can always blame the teacher.

Remember that while it’s not easy to put your child into the care of someone you are not completely comfortable with, sometimes the result is surprising.

Charlene Lloyd of Albany, NY, disliked her daughter Jessica’s teacher from the start. She felt that the teacher yelled too much and pushed too hard; she wanted a more gentle and encouraging teacher. This situation was very stressful in the beginning of the school year. Later, to her amazement, Jessica’s grades were higher than they had ever been. Ms. Lloyd found that her daughter was actually thriving academically, and by the end of the year she could only rave about the teacher.

The most critical influence on your child’s education is your involvement. Offer your help and your time (organizing activities, coloring posters, even coming in as a special guest).

Try to stay away from the groups of parents at school functions that get together and criticize teachers. It could do you great harm to listen to others before forming your own opinion.

Most problems can usually be resolved when teachers and parents work together. The first step is to make the teacher aware of your concerns. Try to state the positive first: “I love the way you encourage the children to read. Is there some way I can help you choose the books? Suzie sometimes get frustrated by some that are too hard for her.”

Offer suggestions, find good qualities. You may feel you’re being insulting or pushy, but try your best. The teacher also benefits, and can improve his or her teaching style by learning about parental expectations.

Unfortunately, there are cases when the differences between parents and teachers are too extreme. If the problem has to do with learning, the teacher should arrange for extra help or provide information about a learning specialist. She can even help you move through the system.

If you feel that your child is continuing to suffer, and the teacher is not acknowledging the problem, you may want to consider going to the principal. He or she may be reluctant to transfer the student, but may be able to provide the help necessary.

If you are fortunate enough to be blessed with a teacher that inspires your child, a nice gesture would be to write a short note complimenting her style or specific projects. The majority of the teachers that you will come upon win be dedicated to your children; but remember, ultimately parents will always play the primary part in their education.

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