Getting Along

Excerpts from “Communication Briefings: Ideas That Work”, Communication Briefings, Alexandria, VA

To handle conflict among your team members:

Ask those who disagree to paraphrase one another’s comments. This may help them learn if they really understand one another.

Work out a compromise. Agree on the underlying source of conflict, then engage in give-and-take and finally agree on a solution.

Ask each member to list what the other side should do. Exchange lists, select a compromise all are willing to accept, and test the compromise to see if it meshes with team goals.

Have the sides each write 10 questions for their opponents. This will allow them to signal their major concerns about the other side’s position. And the answers may lead to a compromise.

Convince team members they sometimes may have to admit they’re wrong. Help them save face by convincing them that changing a position may well show strength.

Respect the experts on the team. Give their opinions more weight when the conflict involves their expertise, but don’t rule out conflicting opinions.

Source: Making Teams Succeed at Work, Alexander Hamilton Institute, Ramsey, NJ

If you want to listen so you really hear what others say, make sure that you’re not a:

Mind Reader: You’ll hear little or nothing as you think “What is this person really thinking or feeling?”

Rehearser: Your mental tryouts for “Here’s what I’ll say next” tune out the speaker.

Filterer: Some call this selective listening - hearing only what you want to hear.

Dreamer: Drifting off during a face-to-face conversation can lead to an embarrassing “What did you say?” or “Could you repeat that?”

Identifier: If you refer everything you hear to your experience, you probably didn’t really hear what was said.

Comparer: When you get side-tracked assessing the messenger, you’re sure to miss the message.

Derailer: Changing the subject too quickly soon tells others that you’re not interested in anything they have to say.

Sparrer: You hear what’s said but quickly belittle it or discount it. That puts you in the same class as the derailer.

Placater: Agreeing with everything you hear just to be nice or to avoid conflict does not mean you’re a good listener.

Source: The Writing Lab, Department of English, Purdue University, West Lafayette, IN

When obstacles are getting you down, consider the following:

After Fred Astaire’s first screen test, a 1933 memo from the MGM testing director said: “Can’t act. Slightly bald. Can dance a little.” Astaire kept that memo over the fireplace in his Beverly Hills home.

An expert said of famous football coach Vince Lombardi: “He possesses minimal football knowledge. Lacks motivation.”

Louisa May Alcott, the author of Little Women, was advised by her family to find work as a servant or seamstress.

Beethoven handled the violin awkwardly and preferred playing his own compositions instead of improving his technique. His teacher called him hopeless as a composer.

The teacher of famous opera singer Enrico Caruso said Caruso had no voice at all and could not sing.

Walt Disney was fired by a newspaper for lacking ideas. He also went bankrupt several times before he built Disneyland.

Eighteen publishers turned down Richard Bach’s 10,000-word story about a soaring seagull before MacMillan finally published it in 1970. By 1975, Jonathan Livingston Seagull had sold more than seven million copies in the U.S. alone.

Source: Chicken Soup for the Soul: 101 Stories to Open the Heart and Rekindle the Spirit, Jack Canfield and Mark V. Hansen, Health Communications, Inc., Deerfield Beach, FL