Easing The Teasing: 
How Parents Can Help Their Children

Freedman, Judy S. (1999). Easing the Teasing: How Parents Can Help
Their Children. ERIC Digest. Champaign, IL: ERIC Clearinghouse on Elementary and Early Childhood Education.

These excerpts were taken from ERIC Digests, the full text of which is available at http://ericeece.org/pubs/digests.html .

When a child experiences teasing, it is important to see the problem from the child’s point of view. Sit down and listen to your child in a non-judgmental way. Ask your child to describe the teasing. Where is it happening? Who is the teaser? Understand and validate your child’s feelings. It might be helpful to relate your experience of teasing as a child.

Parents can teach their children simple strategies that will empower them and reduce feelings of helplessness. When children realize that these are effective strategies that they can use in teasing situations, their coping skills are strengthened.

Self talk.

Encourage children to think about what they can say to themselves when they are in a teasing situation. A child could say to himself, “Even though I don’t like this, I can handle it.”

Ignore.

Displays of anger or tears often invite more teasing; therefore, it is often effective for children to ignore the teaser.

The “I” message.

The child could say, “I feel upset when you make fun of my glasses. I would like you to stop.” This strategy generally works better when expressed in a more structured or supervised situation, such as a classroom.

Visualization.

Many young children respond well to visualizing words “bouncing off” of them. It provides them with the image of not having to accept or believe what is said. Another effective visualization is for a child to pretend he has a shield around him that helps the teases and bad words bounce off.

Reframing.

Reframing is turning the teasing into a compliment. For example, a child being teased about her glasses could respond politely with, “Thanks for noticing my glasses!”

Agree with the facts.

The teaser may say “You’re such a baby.” The teased child can answer, “I do cry easily.” Agreeing with the facts usually eliminates the feeling of wanting to hide whatever the child is being teased about.

Ask for help.

You can help your children understand that teasing may not be able to be prevented, and they cannot control what other say. However, they can learn to control their own responses and reactions, which will “ease the tease.”

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