Children With and Without Disabilities:
Encouraging FriendshipsFrom the Beach Center on Families and
Disability, Lawrence, KansasThere are numerous reasons why those of us with disabilities need friendships. It gives us social, emotional and practical support in life. We gain the power to integrate into our community.
There is also always something to be found in a friendship with a child with a disability. These children offer acceptance, spontaneity, trust, enjoyment of life’s pleasures, honesty, and other contributions to their friends.
We know that friendships help us all. How can we encourage friendships for our children with and without disabilities?
Be Open and Flexible
To facilitate friendships, we as parents need to be open and flexible. Find your child’s strengths and respect his or her choices. Encourage independence.
Design the Right School
Setting For Your Child
Collaborate with the general education teacher and present any information necessary to promote understanding of your child’s disability. Have your child attend the neighborhood school, and in planning his or her school (IEP) goals, include community activities and developing relationships.
Facilitate Peer Interaction
First, make sure that there are opportunities for peer interaction. Most important for friendships are close proximity and frequent and extended socializing opportunities. Teach the child to interact with peers in play, and, if necessary, educate his or her peers. Discuss your child’s disability with playmates and ask for questions. Make sure there is an understanding of the disability and a respect for individual differences. If a communication disability is involved, teach the playmates other ways to communicate with your child.
Limit the Group Size
It’s important to limit the group size, as this influences social play of children with disabilities. Studies show that two or three children play better with a child with a disability than larger groups.
Vary Children in Peer Group
Also, remember to vary the children in a group. More sophisticated children will be role models for your child, while less sophisticated children will allow your child with a disability more leadership and problem solving.
The Activity Matters
Keep in mind that balls and board games promote play with others, while books or crayons encourage solitary play that limits social interaction. Make available interactive toys and the space required for them.
Encouraging our children to create good friendships takes a commitment to working with their peers, their teachers, and the entire community.
These friendships not only help in the happiness and well-being of our child with a disability, but enrich the lives of all of us.
Successful Strategies
One-to-One Matching Programs:
These formal volunteer programs (Best Buddies, Natural Ties) match a similar aged peer with a person with a disability. Sometimes an academic requirement, this method often ends in lasting friendships.
Existing or Formal Networks:
McGill Action Planning System (MAPS) has child and family evaluate their environment and examine the child’s relationships with the goal of improving and expanding them.
Group Action Planning brings together family, friends, and community to problem-solve for and with a child with a disability.
The Circle of Friends, a sort of extracurricular “Friendship Club,” invites peers to a new or existing club to make a commitment to a child with a disability.
Community Activities:
Many community organizations (YMCA, Boy & Girl Scouts, 4-H, park and recreation programs, theater groups, volunteer organizations) encourage participation by children with disabilities.